i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Randomize
