but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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