Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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