so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
