Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
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Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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