i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
