My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
