matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
And then my night got REAL pukey
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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