look no pants
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
it's not cheating when I paid for it
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
