Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
if only i could text you this smell
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
