When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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