he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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