my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
