So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
