You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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