Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
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