This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Randomize
