So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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