"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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