your parents love me but you hate me
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
