You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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