He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
