I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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