I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
