I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize
