East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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