the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
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