I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
