Jerry, you need to find god
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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