shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
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I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
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Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
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