apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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