I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
