i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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