last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
You need Xanax blowdarts
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
