you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
All the doctor said was why
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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