When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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