I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
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