mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
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