so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
