I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize