I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
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