i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
