I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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