i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
