i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
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