If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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