Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
