apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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