wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
