so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
