Im at strip club and am horny
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
