Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
