Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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