I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize