why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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