I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize