i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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