I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
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